Chinese Parents Don’t Say I Love You: A Memoir of Saying the Unsayable with Food
餐桌上的無聲告白: 我那些無法言說的情感與回憶
內容介紹
「吃飽沒」是愛的語言，無論是在台灣或是在大陸，通常打招呼都是問這句話。似乎亞洲人的情緒很內斂，沒法像西方人那樣直接問「How are you doing? 你過得好嗎? 」或是有點隨便的「What’s Up」。於是父母對孩子、朋友對朋友很多時候都用「吃飽沒」來打招呼。我們其實想問的不只是單純的吃飯了或是吃飽了，我們想問的是你過得好嗎。食物與情感一直都是很緊密的聯繫，食物像是橋樑，表達愛意和情感。
Candice Chung是一個美食評論家，當她結束了一段13年的關係，在新冠疫情期間愛上了一位加拿大男友，她的家人邀請她和她的男友一起吃火鍋。作者覺得火鍋真的是一個避免尷尬社交恐懼的最好的華人用餐傳統，Candice Chung的父親忙著對Candice男友介紹什麼是公筷和自己用餐的筷子，如何調自己專用搭配的火鍋醬料。因為Candice不吃肉，所以牛肉片最後才下鍋等。一場火鍋晚餐吃完，Candice的爸爸和家人就看的出來這個加拿大人是否是個合適體貼的男友。
作者很巧妙的結合火鍋下的料需要熟才能吃，人與人之間也和煮火鍋一樣需要時間才能熱絡。底下是作者用食物來比喻人與人之間的情感與互動，David真心覺得作者的文筆很棒，有時很幽默，談到交往13年的前男友不願意點餐一起共用的那種失落也讓人動容，真的人和人之間的情感從飲食的儀式與互動就看的出來。
The fish balls are floating now. In a hot pot, sometimes it is hard to tell what’s ready and what’s not. Leave something too long and there is a risk it’ll shrivel and get tough. Too little time and you’ll feel the consequences of your impatience. It’s guess work as much as experience. In Cantonese, the word 熟, — meaning cooked, or ripen, is also used to describe the closeness of a relationship. Close friends or family members will describe their bond this way — as in,’We are very cooked’.
I like the idea of waiting for intimacy to ripen. Some things can’t be rushed. It is impossible to speed up a meal like hotpot.
★《餐桌上的無聲告白: 我那些無法言說的情感與回憶》(Chinese Parents Don’t Say I Love You: A Memoir of Saying the Unsayable with Food)這本書的讀者是那些會哭著看《沒有媽媽的超市》(Crying in H Mart: A Memoir by Michelle Zauner)的讀者，喜歡《吐司: 敬! 美味人生》(Toast: The Story of a Boy's Hunger by Nigel Slater)這本書用味覺記憶著人生的讀者，或是從《孤獨的城市》(The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone by Olivia Laing)一書中感受生活在現代城市那種無法避免的孤獨感的讀者。
35 歲的美食記者 Candice Chung 在一段持續 13 年的感情結束後，發現自己不僅失去了生活伴侶，還失去了能陪她去餐廳的飯友。當她已退休的華人父母提議與她一同用餐時，他們的美食聚餐變成彼此透過食物傳遞關心與感情的方式，透過食物他們發現他們如何在無聲中漸行漸遠以及他們可以如何挽回親子之間的互動。
Candice Chung透過她對於用餐傳統、人與人之間的互動以及食物細膩的觀察，提出她對愛情、孤獨以及餐廳儀式的種種疑問。我們在付錢讓別人為我們提供餐點時，內心真正渴望的是什麼？我們一個人吃飯和我們和一群人吃飯是否是不同的兩個自我？在餐桌上是否無聲勝有聲，讓用餐的情侶、家人都能傳遞他們藏在內心深處的情感?
在新冠疫情期間Candice Chung愛上了一位地理學家。她能夠忠於自己對親密關係的渴望嗎？還是來自家庭歷史中未曾說出口的傷痛會無意間浮現在她的親密生活中？《餐桌上的無聲告白》是一部關於用食物表達無法言喻的情感的回憶錄，講述我們的飲食生活如何把我們聯繫在一起——有時卻也讓我們分離。
這是Candice Chung愛上一個人並為對方騰出空間的見證，也是對她父母的致敬，他們都是移民，一輩子都在學著融入不同的文化。這也是一個講述那些曾經覺得無法觸及愛人內心世界的人——除了在那脆弱而溫暖的共享餐桌時光中。
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作者介紹
Candice Chung 是居住在格拉斯哥的自由撰稿人，為 SBS Voices 擔任專欄編輯，並且是澳大利亞美食媒體多樣性組織的創始成員，該組織支持並推廣在美食領域中代表性不足的聲音。她曾是《雪梨先驅晨報》的餐廳評論員，並為《紐約時報風格雜誌》澳大利亞版、彭博社、Good Food、SBS Food、《Time Out》、《澳大利亞美食旅行家》、《Griffith Review》以及暢銷美食作家 Hetty McKinnon 的《Peddler Journal》撰稿。
作者Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/candice_chung/?hl=en
書評
'I absolutely loved this book about all forms of love, and books and food and distance and travel. It was a real and delightful surprise, full of smart thought and deft words – and also very funny.' – Ella Risbridger, author of The Year of Miracles: Recipes About Love + Grief + Growing Things
'A touching, poignant love story about so many great loves in Candice Chung's life - at times heartbreaking, complicated and bittersweet, but also, uplifting and full of tenderness. I loved her precise descriptions of food which were so vivid and flavoursome and yet never overwritten.' – Huma Qureshi, author of Things We Do Not Tell the People We Love
'A wonderfully heart-warming memoir from the bottom of the stomach. Candice Chung shows us how love and relationships can be influenced by food culture, and how our dinner tables have shaped the way we understand the world, as well as ourselves.' – Xiaolu Guo, author of Radical and A Lover's Discourse
'Candice Chung's memoir is poetic, delicious and full of moments of grace and beauty.' – Nikesh Shukla, author of Brown Baby
'Like a hilarious, heartfelt and incredibly perceptive conversation you have with a good friend over dinner -- the kind you think of many years after the plates and bowls get cleared -- Candice Chung's memoir stayed with me like the warmest of memories.' – Lee Tran Lam, food writer and creator of the award-winning Should You Really Eat That? podcast
'This will undo anyone whose love language is food; anyone whose connection with others depends on it.' – Tara Wigley, co-author of Ottolenghi SIMPLE
'A tender, wise and witty memoir of forging connections through food and love. Chung's prose is as deliciously playful as her palate.' – Leah Hazard, author of Womb
'Every word of Candice Chung's memoir is brave. Even the title Chinese Parents Don't Say I Love You is a triumphant declaration that unshackles both the author and the reader from the cultural taboos that can leave one feeling unmoored. This is an evocative, vulnerable and relatable collection of stories that tenderly shows how food steps up to provide the emotional support, comfort, and safety that humans need, when words cannot.' – Hetty McKinnon, cookbook author, recipe developer, and James Beard Award winner
'A comforting hotpot of a book. Every page offers a new surprising morsel about connection and choice; always nourishing, always delightful, always tender.' – Benjamin Law, author of The Family Law
'Tender, elegant, and deeply moving. Chung's poetic prose blazes on the pages. What an incredibly beautiful memoir.' – Jessie Tu, author of A Lonely Girl is a Dangerous Thing and The Honeyeater
'A delicious and moving treatise about love and longing, and all the ways families express or hide these life-sustaining things. Candice Chung, who has also been a food critic, writes with a poet's sensibility and a gourmand's sense of lusciousness. Her sentences sing off the page. I am enthralled by this book!' – Alice Pung, author of Unpolished Gem, Her Father’s Daughter and One Hundred Days